"I never learnt to turn this exhausting pain into bliss"
A fair passage of Jonghyun's final letter was shared to his close friend. Jonghyun wrote about the depression he suffered before he died due to committing suicide at the age of 27.
To think, it was last year in November 2016 I had my very first-time K-Pop concert, as a freelance photographer for media. The concert where Jonghyun was the band member, where I had no complete idea that I was lucky enough to have one chance, watching Kim Jonghyun singing live. Seeing it now, there are great number of people who lost the chance. It has cost me almost nothing, I got into the venue for free. But I got out filled with astonishment.
I remember how I was sceptical entering the concert venue, how I was not into K-Pop although I was unconsciously reading some allkpop news, and listening to Big Bang all-time-hits. But Jonghyun was great during the concert. As a media man, I was standing from a distance that was not too far hence I got no difficulty to have seen him with clarity. He was full of charm and singing in a perfect tone. Little did I know that day, he was suffered to the point of death.
I remember when I kept telling myself as the concert was about to start "I don't even know any of their songs" and comparing them to the previous secular music concert I came (One Direction's concert. Was my very first secular music concert experience). Nonetheless, as they sang the songs list, it turnt out I found some of the songs were familiar. Was trying to figure out where did I listen to these songs? Then I remembered, one time in senior high on Health & Physical Education subject we were being given a dance project. One of my team suggested a song by SHINee (seemingly all teams were using K-Pop songs too. K-Pop was already a thing). There we have it. I was danced to a Replay - SHINee together with my team in front of our classmate. And move forward, listened to it in a concert got me reminiscing about those senior high's memories. Good old days. Then it brought to other facts, on and on. I came to know Stand by Me, a mega-hits song I suppose, as it was a soundtrack for mega known K-Drama Boys Before Flowers. Stand By Me is one legend cheesyrful song that consumed my 9th-grade year―2009. Little did I know SHINee has played a tiny part in my teenage year.
Thus far, this very sad loss seemed to neither ignite everyone's empathy nor awareness. My heart was troubled to see E-News in the country where I currently live, neither of them brought up the News to the journey of those who were affected by the loss, nor putting the story into the victim's shoes, nor speaking on behalf of those who struggle with depression. They merely giving information―A K-Pop superstar died reportedly due to suicide, period. The rest of it only mentioning some reports. I hope there was at least lying information of the Suicide Prevention hotline but none. I read some non-local News and they have put it at the end of their writing. Be it Mirror.uk, Soompi.com, & The Strait Times.
As a further matter, one time I came to read a very hurtful tweet from a local big account;
Mountain of humans being killed in Palestine, they silent.
One plastic committed suicide, they cried.
Oh wow, that is such a disgrace. That's very incomparable. Why. One voice replied regarding this; "My condolence for Jonghyun is also my fight for the stigma around mental illness. Your cry for Palestine and our cry for this issue is about the same thing. Isn't this all about making this world into a less painful place for us to live in? Why are we picking fights?"
The cries of people are not to blame. I mean how could we be given the right to justify which cries are the less painful ones? Which are worth the pain? Are you 100% sure you could tell the difference? Their cries for an Idol didn't make them any less of a person. This like, I would find myself easily crying over Family-oriented drama than War-oriented drama. Simply because I find myself can relate to Family stories–I don't live in War-era so I just don't get what's with all these weapons, power... Make sense I guess? I get the Tweet's point, jokes aside, I also as a woman do like compare things, which dress are prettier, which colour are suitable... But some things are just incomparable. Moreover when you're there only speaking on behalf, didn't get to experience the tragedy yourself. Doing the right things are fine, but doing things right? that's the deal.
What comes to my surprise after this, the K-Pop fan here gathered together and went the extra mile by making a campaign to donate money for Palestine and Indonesia which has now collected 423.057.346 IDR from the target of 100.000.000 IDR. That sum up to around 39.584 SGD! From Jonghyun to Indonesia and Palestine: https://kitabisa.com/jinghyunpeduli.
Mental Health. Written based on research for Mental Health Awareness Month, words inspired by Youtuber Jack Harries. "Mental Illness is an Issue, not Identity", 1 in 4 people in the world experienced mental illness at some point in their lifetime. It sees no race, wealth/poverty, or gender. Symptoms such as suicidal thoughts and self-harm are caused by mental health issues. Around 450 million people currently suffer from such conditions says the WHO. (What WHO thinks of Depression? Click here) Placing mental health into the 3rd position United Nation Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) - 2016. Therapy/Counseling are available but not many people have the courage to openly talk about it. Stigma, discrimination and neglect prevent care and treatment from reaching people with mental health issues. We all need to know, Mental health is real, is exist. We all had that one life phase that mess, and chaos. It is O.K to suffer from anxiety & depression. But it is not O.K to not talk about it and isolated yourself from help. I like one sentence from Bahasa to which I had grown living it; "Keterbukaan Adalah Awal Dari Pemulihan".
I speak up for this because it is something that closes to my heart, it is something I had overcome. It is something that made my heart so troubled to see the society―people very quick to judge, lack of empathy. It is something that has anything to do with a major study that I took. There is somebody out there silently struggling, dealing with depression and as one of the somebody who had been there, I have cared enough to let them know they're not alone, they can absolutely overcome it. To be told and cared for by somebody at that time of day. I, too wanted to be that somebody. If it either one lost soul be lost in the eternity by one absent-warmth or one downcast soul be dared to move by one warmest whisper. Most definitely I would rather have the latter.
"I am praying for those who had spent Christmas without their loved ones this year. Thatーthat may the peace of God fill their homes and joy of the Lord overflow in the midst of trying situations. Emmanuel, God is with you."
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