LILSHELULLABIES by Lucy Lie

Showing posts with label JOURNEY WITH CHRIST. Show all posts

It's very cliche isn't? New year, new you. I'm not done yet making a resolution for 2015, I have made it in my head what to do lists in 2015 tho I didn't much really enjoyed with the idea of it. Because I'm sort of a mid-perfectionist and yet a sort of let-it-flow girl, this was a complex mix. I sometimes never give a damn over few things cause better it's surprises me than I expect it to be (I remember the last time I let things surprised me and I cried for it over months because it turned out terrible surprise). It happened as well when I have done a-well-made plans and wasn't worked out as it should be, I went stressing my self out for weeks. Sounds cray. But I have figured out that I wasn't including God that time and wasn't prioritizing Him in my daily life. Now I better kept my 2015 resolution for myself that only God and one self knows. Let my resolutions known when it become realities. I'm still pretty much excited for 2015, nevertheless, this goodbye of 2014 bring us to a new hello, new journey, and to a new story which may remains. But what is far remarkable to all those new thingy is, the new you. You can't be the same person through all the years, innit? What version of you that you choose to become, is it to be more intelligent or less excusing version of you, that's matter. As for me, to be honest, I'm rebel and very impatient person which explain why I always argued and fought with my Mum so many, many times. (which is not good for my health, how can you persist with anger inside you everyday?). That's it, I want the new me. I need to possess God's gentleness. ─Renewal from the inside is far more important than the improvement from the outside "New year, New you" from Nick Vujicic's podcast.

My 2 0 1 4 H i g h l i g h t s :

1. Do-it-myself Ombre Hair.

2. First photoshoot in early 2014 with Ombre Hair.

3. Experienced, again, Cell Community.

4. Got to meet again my "lost" cousin on family's wedding.

5. Having a nice convos with my cousin and got to visit my fave blogger's cafe: Ninotchka.

6. Olivia, my partner in almost everything (passion, God, even arguments) 19th birthday dinner exclusive invitation.

7. Got to visit remarkable bar & restaurant from 56th floor building, SKYE with my bestest before farewell.

8. Letting go my only current closest best friend I have, study abroad to German.

9. Walked on very first clumsy runway at Senayan City. And got to meet 5 Asian's Next Top Model S2.

10. Got cutout from first freelance job on the 3rd day because I kept arguing with the boss

11. Got 1 month challenging freelance job event as SPG at Plaza Senayan in early my birthday month, after that.

12. Accidentally met a person who worked at the same event with me also a future student of the same University that I signed up to.

13. Room renovation that I considered as a self service for my birthday present: "SLEEP ROOM DURING MY TEENAGE YEARS #2 (19 YO)"

14. Surprised news that I've been wished for my birthday, became reality.

16. Bought myself One Direction's concert ticket with my own money from previous freelance job.

17. Took 3 languages course, Spanish, Mandarin, and English.

18. Got to meet & took a pict with Hollywood Glee's star: Erinn Westbrook also U.S Ambassador for Indonesia on @America's talent camp.

19. Participate the President Election in my country!

20. My best friend came back from German and we reunited again with some others old friends last July.

21. Got my relationship with my old friend back, after I decided to take a distance.

22. My childhood mate came back from Dutch for Holiday and we spent days together playing, talking about the old good days when we were kids as a neighbour and classmate.

23. Experienced again, a concert-be-like in my Church's event, last August.

24. My first Braces.

25. First time play Bowling and got my first STRIKE (in case you didn't know; Strike: A strike is scored when the bowler knocks down all ten pins in the first throw. I repeat, FIRST THROW! I'm awesome lol)

26. Changed my gadget from Apple Ipad mini to Samsung Grand 2. Well. Don't questioning this.

27. My first day in University.

28. Attended my used to be youth cell group's leader wedding on our same age old, Nineteenth, last September.

29. Got to spend my very unusual and unexplainable Three Days with my Uni's Photography club.

30. Passed English Final test on course but skipped the Mandarin. -_-

31. Got my first Car Free Day experience with my new Uni's friend.

32. First time wacthin cinema alone by myself and bought it with IDR 100.000,- (also first time)

33. Got to spend a day with my Mandarin's classmate on our teacher's farewell.

34. Got my first Canon DSLR camera (Thanks a lot, Mum)

35. First time witnessed bunch of talented people on Musical Theatre and Dance Musical Concert at my Uni's, live.

36. First time Mid Term in Uni, and all the results was unpredictably fine. God, You again izzit? :')

37. First time experienced Jakarta Fashion Week 2015!

38. Met and took a pict with superb inspiring f.blogger Sonia Eryka for second times!

39. Unpredictably got a role as supporting cast for my class' theatre project.

40. Learnt to accept that bad days are not a bad life, during University's tough stuff (presentations, tasks, etc).

41. Loving BAYMAX movie!

42. Got to visit the new yet famous and anti-mainstream local television in Indonesia, NET TV.

43. Happened to be a supporter for classmate's contest on Cosmo GIRL of the year '14 and she won as a Runner up. (Congratulation!)

44. Visited vintage coffee shop ala-ala UK & Europe with my cousin// Blumchen.

45. Spending Christmas Celebration in my church and friends' church.

46. Spending Christmas fellowship with 2 dudes and 3 best sisters in Christ, & laughin over Night at the Museum!

47. Visited Galeri Nasional Indonesia with my old mates who just came back from Seattle for Holiday.

48. Watched the most crucial and my favourite movie of the year, Paddington!!!!

Well, that's all I can remember! How about you? Ok, don't think I'm doing this thing for nothing, Here's why: it is necessary to have that Self Appreciation Day after a year, however it is important to realising what you have been through in a year. What God has brought you through and how you consider everything that happened to you, is it as a lesson or otherwise as a failure, you need to throw it down, honey. The happy thoughts of 2014 will help you embrace a year ahead :). Happy New Year from here in front of my computer. May you keep including God more and more in your life this year, as I pray this for mine too.

Lucy, xx

2012 has really changed me, in personality, I turnt from Sanguine into a Melancholic.

In relationship I turned into passive. Couldn’t be more vulnerable in any relationship before. These have caused me being called childish. Nobody really knows what one has been through for them to have the right to judge.

Nobody asks the possibility to be understood. But if only they would have at least remained silent instead of judging. What it feels like to lose everything?

Call me childish tough.

What does it feel like to lose your school’s life? To lose your school’s friend? To lose your own good image? To lose your own reputation? To lose your parent's trust on you? To lose those families’ times? To lose those facilities which might you could have? To lose your hope? To lose your joy? And to lose someone that came really special in your life?

Perhaps, you said: “c’mon! It just some, don’t exaggerate your things...” but that’s some MEANS EVERYTHING to me.

I’m sucha disappointment.

I through those trouble sleeping, lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and thinking about every moment I wish I could change.

How I really wish I can turn back time.

How I really missed the old times.

How I wish, these difficult days were just a bad dream.

A dog that has filled my days but then it should be separated from me, that thing left me upset. It just dog anyway…

Wondering how much more it will hurt me when it about happens to a person?

And that happened.

A person who filled my days, gone just like that. That person seemed don’t even remember all those things we ever had.

It hurts.

That feeling you got… When you know everything’s changed since that.
It’s no longer the same. It’s left with "used-to-be".

I spent most of my times stuck in yesterday.

Trying to come to a sense because a million things to worry about, why would I hold the grudge.

I tried to forget, I tried to move on.

But, this is the hardcore after all:

When you lose someone, someone you might love

When they break your heart. It’s the hardest thing you could ever go through, even the smallest things they had done to you had such a big impact for you.

And no matter how much time has passed, it never really goes away.

You may think you’re getting better, but then you get flashbacks or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it’s hit you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest. You fall apart, for the hundredth time, and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. You miss this person with all of your heart,
even though you know you shouldn’t.

This may just come to my consciousness, what my weakness is. My incapability to let people and things go will always, always remain as one of my greatest weakness.

At this moment of my life, I didn’t exactly know how, I found myself looking at myself standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs. And no one even looks up.

Then l feel there’s someone talking to me…

G: "Hey, are you okay ?"

L: "Err, with all the memories that follows, and with all the complicated stories I had. Yea, I’m okay. Totally ok."

G: "You don’t wanna messing with me, tell it…"

L: "God! I never ask You to send this person into my life,

but once I thankful that You did, You took this person away.

and I was like “Why God? Why?”"

G: "My dear child, I’m happy that you realised all those have been

in my plans. There’s no such thing as an accident."

G: "Now listen… There’re times in life that you don’t even need to

understand to pass it. I’ve said this million of times,

live by faith and not by sight.

I’m God of the universe, the creature of the sun and..

The source of Love. “Why don’t you trust Me?”"

And in the next days, I also received some encouragement from my friends.

“Did you know Job in the Bible? He lost everything either, but he has lost much worse than you. His wife asked him to curse his God. “why did you still believe in God? There’s no reason to believe in God anymore.” Said his wife. But, Job answer her: “you talk like a mad woman! Do we just want to accept all kindness from Him, but don’t want to accept the badness?” Even in this suffering Job said nothing against God. Job 2:9 – 10. He frustrated, he depressed, he cursed himself and went to talk to God, he just can’t hold it anymore and complaint to God either. But at the end, Job chose to believe in God, he kept his humbleness in front of God “I knew, You’re mighty to do all things, none of Your plans could fail” Job 42:2. And God blessed Job in his next life much more than his life before. Job 42:12.”

“Lost everything doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it. Actually, there’ll be something that much better in the corner. But it depends on your decision, while you aren’t like accepting your life, some people out there might wish can have a life like you had.”

“Missing someone is a process in order to move on…

You shouldn’t run away from it.

Everything that pushed you today won’t last forever… Don’t you think about when you already pass it one day, you’ll find the stronger you.”

Those all not really help me as much as I need.

Yet it makes me speechless and realise… I did lose ‘hope’, I did lose ‘love’.

Nothing left in me. Nothing…nothing except this faith.

This faith.

Take that last bit of your faith until the last drop.

Hold on to it, and never give in.

I’ll use this faith to fight. Fight for my dreams.

Everyone has a dream.

Dreams brighten your heart like the sun, it lights up your whole world.

Dreams fill you up with courage.

All your dreams, All you want to reach,

Let it float, hang 5cm in front of your forehead

So, it never gone from your eyes and you bring it every day, you see it every day,

And believe that you can. ―5cm

I watched 5cm in my closed year of 2012, and it’s really a great decision.

5cm such an Inspiration movie, Indonesia has grown up!

I made a resolution for 2013, it’s my first resolution. I never made a resolution before cause I’m too scared to check it out at the end of the year, scared to see if it doesn’t work out as planned.

But I chose to make this resolution in order to move on. Focus on my dreams and hope it could help me to move on.

I simply trust what’s meant to be will always find a way. I wouldn’t find another person to replace that person, it sounds cheap for the fact that I’m a woman, not meant to 'looking' but 'waiting'.

Besides, I have Him, my God. People might change, or leave. But, only God who stays and always be the same. I knew my God won’t let that person stole my happiness any longer. He will cheer me up. Also, I wrote this in my resolution: I want to have a spirit as big as Thomas A. Edison and J.K Rowling.

I’ve not failed. I’ve just found 10.000 ways that don’t work ―Thomas Alva Edison

If J.K Rowling stopped after being turned down by multiple publishers for years, there would be no Harry Potter.

I’m affected by the prayer that goes to me. Hope you’ll find the stronger me soon,

The succeed me soon, the beau-tough-full me soon, and the mature me soon.

I also actually choose to learn something from my past instead of cursing it.

“You are not finished when you lose, you finished when you quit”

When you feel like giving up...... Hold on tighter. When you feel like complaining...... Appreciate. When you feel like quitting...... Start over. When you can’t even see the bright side, let your faith SPEAK UP.

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